18 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity
by lovenotwar
Summary: Fred and George discover the well known muggle chain letter and make it their mission to maintain their insanity.
1. The List of Insanity

Hi everyone! This is my newest story. I got the idea when I was skimming through someone's profile for those copy and paste it's (yes, I'm that sad) and I came across this chain mail thing. (Note: I did not write it and I'm not claiming that I did. I have no clue who did write it. It's chain mail, after all.)Anyway, I've seen it before but this time I thought about writing about people completing this list. Of course, the first thing I though of was Harry Potter fanfiction. And then I thought about what characters to use. And, of course, I instantly thought of Fred and George.

So, I hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to review and tell me what you think! =)

Disclaimer: I don't Harry Potter. I'm not that awesome.

**Chapter 1**

It was the summer, and Fred and George Weasley were lounging around in their room at the Burrow, bored out of their minds. They had finished their experiments for the day and had nothing else to do.

'George?'

"Yeah?'

'Wanna go prank someone?'

'Sure. Anything is better than nothing'

They both jumped to their feet, and started looking around their home for the first unsuspecting victim. Fred snatched up a newly perfected puking pastille as they passed their desk. George saw and grinned.

'Excellent'

They climbed up the rickety staircase, searching for one of their many siblings. They reached Ron's room and peered inside. The only occupant was Hermione, who was writing a letter. They both flopped down on either side of her.

'Hey, Hermione!,' George exclaimed brightly.

'How's it going?,' Fred asked.

'Fine, I'm just writing to my parents,' Hermione replied distractedly. George scanned his younger brother's room and his eyes fell upon a sheet of paper that had obviously been sent by Muggle post. He picked it up and read it.

_**18 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity**_

_1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down._

_2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice._

_3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that._

_4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"_

_5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Expresso._

_6. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."_

_7. Don't use any punctuation_

_8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk._

_9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer._

_10. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."_

_11. Sing along at the Opera._

_12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why all the poems don't rhyme._

_13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day._

_14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood._

_15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!"_

_16. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,"Run for your lives, they're loose!!"_

_17. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."_

_And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity..._

_18. Copy and send this list to someone to make them smile...It's called therapy._

A wide grin spread slowly across his face. He handed the piece of paper to Fred.

'Hermione, what's this?' Fred asked after he had finished reading it. Hermione looked up and glanced briefly at the letter.

'Oh, that. It's just some stupid chain mail some old friends of mine sent me,' she explained with a shrug.

'Can we keep it?,' Fred asked eagerly. Hermione looked surprised.

'Sure, I'm not even going to send it on.'

'Great! Thanks!' George said happily. He wrenched the paper from Fred's hands and ran back to his bedroom. Fred skidded to a halt not long after him.

'You know what this means, George?,' he asked conspiratorially. George nodded.

'Why, yes, I believe I do, Fred. It's time to maintain healthy levels of insanity.'


	2. ONE

Here's chapter 2, enjoy!

**Chapter 2**

_At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down._

'Ok,' said George in a very business-man-like voice, 'We have to wizardize this. I mean, we can't get a car to Hogwarts…Or use a hairdryer…Or point it at passing cars…,' George trailed off as he thought through the complications.

'Or could we bring a car to Hogwarts?,' said Fred as he stroked his chin. George looked thoughtfully at his twin.

'Maybe…We can just use a breeze charm and point it at passing students,' he suggested. Fred nodded.

'Yes, yes we'll do that. But what about the car? How will we get one?'

'Wait! I've got a brilliant idea Fred!' George exclaimed excitedly.

~:~:~:~

Fred and George stood in the middle of the Great Hall, both wearing dark sunglasses, and both astride stationary broomsticks. Each held their wand firmly in their right hands and were shooting breeze charms at anyone who passed them.

'Hey! Look at this one, George! She can't weigh much!'

Fred directed his wand at the tiny first year who wore an expression of terror at being mentioned by the two lunatics. She attempted to scamper away but Fred had already casted the spell. It had no affected on her whatsoever.

'Aww, I was so sure she would slow down!' whined Fred. George heaved a sigh.

'You know, Fred, I'm starting to think that this might not work,' he said seriously.

'No! It will work! Don't lose faith!' cried Fred as he shot more breeze charms at the students giving them strange looks. Ron, Harry and Hermione just happened to be approaching the twins at that point and Ron shook his head.

'I always knew it would happen eventually,' he sighed.

'Knew what would happen?' asked Harry, as he laughed at the twins who had started chasing a particularly light-looking Slytherin boy.

'That they would go mad.'

A/N: Review please! =)


	3. TWO

Here's chapter 3. Sorry about the wait but I meant to upload while I was on holiday and I brought my laptop and everything but, I forgot the power cord. And when I turned it on there was only 6 minutes power left.

I don't know when chapter 4 will be up because I want to upload all the chapters according to the list order, but I'm not actually writing them in that order. So far I've written chapter 8, 10 (That one was the first I wrote, I instantly who I wanted to write about), 17 and 18. I've got ideas for them all, though. Oh, and just so you all know, all the chapters will be "wizardized". Because I want it so that they are actually plausible. So yeah, there won't be an actual intercom or ATM and stuff like that. But that just makes it more fun. XD

**Chapter 3:**

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Fred and George sat at the back of the potions dungeon, whispering as they attempted to make a proper sleeping draught. Snape was up the front of the class, standing over Angelina Johnson as he sneered at her "mediocre potion making". George glanced sideways at Fred.

'Now, Fred?'

'Now, George'

George spilt a vial of Armadillo bile on the floor and ducked down to clean it up. Once he was under the cover of the desk, he took out his wand and held it up to his throat and whispered: '_Sonorous'._

With his voice magically amplified to be heard all over the Hogwarts castle, just like a muggle intercom, George thought smugly, he gave the announcement.

'Fred and George Weasley are to report immediately to the Quidditch Pitch. Don't forget your brooms.'

George quickly removed the spell and leapt up from under the table.

'Cleaned it all up. No need to worry about slipping,' he said comfortingly to his classmates. Fred grinned up at him and pulled their brooms out from under the desk.

'Good thing we brought our brooms, hey George? We'll see you later Sir, gotta do as we're ordered,' he said happily. The twins turned on their heels and started to exit the dungeon.

'Wait, just a moment,' Snape said quietly. Fred and George paused and looked around.

'Yes, sir?' George asked innocently. Snape smirked at them.

'Thought you'd be clever and worm your way out of class?' he asked them softly. The twins exchanged bewildered looks.

'I'm afraid we don't know what you mean professor,' said Fred.

'I regret to inform you that you made a vital error in your little scheme' continued Snape, a full grin on his face now, 'You see, you failed to disguise your voice, and the only ones who make announcements around here is the headmaster and Professor McGonagall, and you didn't sound like either of those people. You Gryffindors never think things through, do you?' Snape finished scathingly. The Slytherins in the class all sniggered.

'We still don't know what you mean sir', said George earnestly.

'You know very well what I mean, Weasley. Now the both of you sit down and stop interrupting my teaching!' Snape barked. The twins continued to stand in the doorway.

'But sir, we have to go to the Quidditch Pitch! The voice told us so!' Fred exclaimed.

'That's it, I'm getting the headmaster. Miss Chang, go get him!'

Cho stood up quickly and left the room. Snape spent the next five minutes glaring at the twins while they waited for Professor Dumbledore. Finally, the headmaster arrived, chatting happily about the positives of Lemon Drops. Cho almost ran to her seat so as to escape the headmaster's ramblings.

'Headmaster, these two boys abused the school's communication system and ordered themselves to the Quidditch Pitch,' Snape announced whilst point an accusing finger at Fred and George. Dumbledore gazed at Snape wisely.

'Yes, yes, I heard that announcement. I have only one question to ask,' he said gravely and turned to the twins, 'Why have you not followed the order yet?'

'We tried sir, but Snape wouldn't let us,' Fred cried. Dumbledore turned his penetrating gaze to Snape.

'Is this true, Severus?'

'Well, yes headmaster, but it's a prank! They made the announcement! It's all a scam to get out of class! They didn't even change their voices, for crying out loud!'

'Nonsense, no one but Professor McGonagall and myself make those announcements, so the boys must obey. Run along, and don't forget your brooms!' Dumbledore said cheerfully.

'Yes, sir!' And Fred and George sprinted from the room, gripping their brooms tightly and whooping in celebration.

Snape gaped after them.

'Well, Severus, I must be going. Important things to do,' said Dumbledore. He turned around and exited the dungeons, humming the school song to himself. Snape stared after him, then shook his head.

'Maybe he is mad, after all.'

A/N: lol, I know some of you might recognise the armidillo bile thing from HBP when Harry was eavesdropping, but I couldn't think of anything else they use in potions that could be spilt. That's all I could think of so...I used it. XD. Review please!


	4. THREE

Yep, it's chapter 4 already. I wasn't expecting to have it done so soon, but I was in the mood for writing tonight. Hope you like it!

**Chapter 4**

_3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that._

At first, everyone thought that the twins would soon get over this new entertainment of theirs, like they usually did. But after a while, it became clear that Fred and George weren't intending to stop anytime soon.

~:~:~:~

Professor Flitwick was walking hurriedly between the desks of his students, on tip-toes of course, handing back the test papers from last week. Just as he was passing the Weasley twins' desk, a few of the papers fell from his hands to the floor.

'Mr Weasley, would you mind getting that for me?' he asked distractedly, a girl had just managed to levitate the chair that Lee Jordan was occupying.

'Sure, sir' George bent down and scooped up the papers. He handed them back to his professor and then grinned over at Fred.

'Sir, do you want fries with that?'

~:~:~:~

It continued on like that for months. Anytime anyone, student, teacher, family member, friend, anyone at all, asked the twins to do something they would receive the same answer. And every single person was always left staring with their mouth hanging open. Well, except for one…

~:~:~:~

Albus Dumbledore strode purposefully down the corridors of his beloved school. He was intending on paying the Giant Squid a visit. He was a delightful creature and a great listener too...The headmaster saw one of the Weasley twins, Fred, and remembered a message he had for Minerva. He called the boy over and took out the scroll from inside his robes.

'Can you please deliver that to Professor McGonagall, Mr Weasley?' He asked politely. Fred smiled and nodded. Albus started to make his way to the lake again when Fred called him back.

'Professor Dumbledore, would you like fries with that?'

Albus thought for a moment.

'Why yes, I would like some fries. Make that two servings, actually. Thankyou, Mr Weasley. When they're ready, I'll be down by the lake,' Dumbledore smiled benignly and left a dumbfounded Fred Weasley behind him. The Giant Squid would be pleased with him for getting him some fries…

~:~:~:~

'Fred and George Weasley, I swear to Merlin if either of you utter the words "do you want fries with that", I will silence you until you're forty. Now go to your room!' Mrs Weasley thundered. Fred and George exchanged a smirk.

'Sure thing, Mum,' Fred said with a grin. He and George turned to the stairs and started climbing up when George spun around suddenly and looked earnestly at his mother.

'Oh, just one more thing.' He and Fred's faces spilt into identical wicked grins before saying in perfect unison:

'Do you want fries with that?'

A/N: What did you think? Tell me in a review! Please? XD


	5. FOUR

Update! I'm on a roll. I looove writing about Fred and George. It's so much fun. XD

I'm halfway through with writing all of the chapters. Though I haven't written six yet…but I'll do that one next, promise!

**Chapter 5**

_4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN"_

Fred and George Weasley had locked themselves up in their dormitory and were consulting the all knowing list. Fred grinned as he read their next task.

'This should be fun, right George? We have Potions next, so if we make the label quickly enough, we should be able to do it to Snape.' Fred looked around when he received no answer. George was sitting cross legged on the floor, a bin in front of him that was covered in all sorts or glitter, crepe paper and stickers. George had a manic glint in his eyes, his hands barely recognisable covered as they were. He grinned up at his twin.

'I'm _way_ ahead of you, Fred.'

Fred examined the bin carefully, then checked his watch. He shrugged.

'It will have to do.' Fred snatched up the bin and bolted down the stairs for potions, George hot on his heels.

~:~:~:~

The fifth years trooped in silently as Snape wrote up the day's lesson on the board. George clutched his beautifully decorated, or so he thought, bin protectively in his hands and glared at the kids who stared at him. Snape turned to face the class, a sneer already firmly in place.

'Before we start today I have some homework to assign,' he said and smirked when a chorus of groans and muttering echoed loudly around the dungeon.

'I want a 3 foot essay on the complications that can occur in a potion of your choice. But, do not choose a simple potion, or I will fail you,' Snape said menacingly. The students were appalled by this assignment, but knew better than to complain.

'I want it on my desk by Monday. No excuses,' said Snape as he handed out the essay details. He approached the Weasley twin's desk and held out two pieces of parchment to them. George quickly placed the bin on the desk. Snape glared at them impatiently.

'Well, come on, I haven't got all day!' he snapped.

'Right, thanks, it can go in there,' George said cheerfully as he pointed at the bin that had "IN" written on it in large glittering letters.

Nearly half of the students and staff at Hogwarts paused as they heard the distant screaming of one, Severus Snape.

A/N: Hmmm, not sure if I really like this one…Ah, well. I hope you liked it. Be good and leave me a review, ok? XD Reviews help motivate me..which means quicker updates *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

Oh and I realised that the professors at Hogwarts don't really give out info about homework and stuff, but I didn't think it would have the same effect if they put marked homework in the bin..


	6. FIVE

It's chapter 6! Sorry about the long wait, but this chapter really stumped me. I dunno why. I'm having trouble with the next one too. But I have 8, 9 and 10 already written. So after 7, there shouldn't be any long gaps. Enjoy.

**Chapter 6:**

_5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Expresso._

Sometimes, having a father who was fascinated by Muggles was extremely embarrassing. Sometimes it was entertaining. Then there were the times that Fred and George were couldn't be more grateful that their father was captivated by all things Muggle.

The Weasley household had owned a coffee maker for a few years now, though it was rarely ever used. Mostly it was just used to make the occasional cup of coffee by one of the children, as Mr and Mrs Weasley could make one much quicker using magic.

Fred and George silently made their way down the creaky stairs, avoiding all of the loudest spots. The sun was just starting to rise. Soon, the Weasleys would be up and consuming their morning cups of coffee. They had to act quickly.

The twins reached the kitchen and approached the old coffee maker. Fred pulled out the packet of Expresso and grinned at his brother.

"I have a feeling that this is going to be extremely entertaining," he said, his grin impossibly widening.

"I know. They're all mad enough as it is. Hurry! I can hear someone coming!"

Fred hastily switched the coffee types and lurched himself into a chair at the kitchen table. George leant casually against the bench as Molly Weasley entered the room. She smiled at her sons, surprised to see them up so early.

"Morning, dears. You want some breakfast?"

"Yeah, mum. Thanks," Fred said cheerfully. Mrs Weasley pulled out her wand and was about to make herself some coffee when George hurried over and took the mug she had conjured.

"Here, I'll make it for you." She gazed at him suspiciously.

"Alright. You aren't going to do anything funny to it, are you George? If you do I swear to Merlin I'll-"

"Relax, Mum! It's just a cup of coffee. Honest!"

He strolled over to the coffee maker and busied himself with the Muggle machine. A few minutes later he carried a steaming cup of Expresso over to his mother. She narrowed her eyes at him again but drank it all the same.

"It tastes a bit different."

~:~:~:~

The coffee had and incredible effect on the family of the Burrow.

~:~:~:~

"Everyone. Children. Pay attention! Thankyou. I have an announcement to make. I'm running off to live with the Muggles. Alright? Bye!"

Arthur Weasley leapt out of his chair, grabbed the suitcase he had packed from under his seat and promptly sprinted from the house. Molly gazed after him with her jaw hanging open. She glanced quickly around at her children and then ran after her husband shrieking at an ear-splitting pitch: "Arthur! Don't leave me alone with them!"

~:~:~:~

Ginny sat crossed legged in the overgrown backyard of her home. Cradled in her hands was a smooth grey rock. It had two big eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a bright green crayon.

"Cynthia, what do you think I should do about Dean?" she asked her new friend. Ginny held Cynthia up to her ear and listened intently.

"Yes, mhmm, but what about Harry?"

Fred and George struggled to keep their laughter contained and not tumble out of their positions in the tree next to Ginny. Fred mouthed "Cynthia?" as he shook with laughter. George stuffed his knuckles in his mouth, refusing to blow their cover.

~:~:~:~

The garden gnomes were in their organised lines. All of their little grubby heads were directed at their new leader. Ron stood before them, gazing at them with determination.

"Today's the day. We've been training for this for the past hour. I think we're ready. You know what to do?"

All of the gnomes nodded their heads. Some cried out. Ron nodded in approval.

"Alright. Go make Hermione date me!"

~:~:~:~

"Ah, Fred, George. I have something to tell you. I've decided to quit my career at the ministry," Percy announced pompously. The Weasley twins stared at their brother, dumbfounded.

"What?" George asked weakly. Percy smiled at them.

"Yes, I've decided to try something new. I'm going to be a comedian"

"I repeat. What?"

"I'm going to be a comedian. Here, listen to this! Knock knock!"

Fred and George exchanged a smirk before replying in unison:

"Who's there?"

"Nothing"

"Nothing who?"

"…."

Percy grinned proudly and waited for the twins to understand the brilliance of his joke. Fred burst out laughing and George soon followed. It wasn't long until they were both rolling around on the floor, gasping for breath. Percy grinned smugly and stepped over his brothers.

"I knew it was gold material"

**A/N:**

Not really happy with this one. Ah, well. Review and tell me what you thought. XD

I've decided to become a Beta reader! So if any of you need one…you know who to ask. XD I made up a profile for it but..It's horrible. I had no clue what to write.

P.S. For those of you who have read my story Moments, you probably recognised the thing with Ginny and Cynthia. I felt compelled to give it a background story.


	7. SIX

Alright, I've finally finished chapter 7. It took me awhile and a lot of rethinking but, hey, I got it done. Like I've mentioned before I have the next 3 chapters written, so I'm hoping that there won't be any large gaps from now on.

Enjoy. (:

**Chapter 7:**

_6. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."_

Fred and George hadn't been looking forward to number 7 of their list. They didn't believe that anyone would really care if they added "In accordance with the prophecy" to all their sentences. In some cases they were right:

"Hermione!" George pushed his way through the crowded corridor to where Hermione stood waiting for him. She gazed at him impatiently, her foot tapping sharply against the marble floor.

"Yes? Make it quick, I'm going to be late for Arithmancy."

"Ah, yeah, Arithmancy. It's not a very interesting subject, is it? In accordance with the prophecy," he said airily. Hermione snorted.

"What a load of rubbish! Have you been spending time with Trelawney? Merlin, stay away from that old fraud, George. Trust me. According to her, Harry should've died in third year," Hermione said scathingly. She patted George on the shoulder, as if she had just shattered all of his dreams, and then hurried off to her class. George stared after her. A brilliant idea had just occurred to him. Why hadn't he thought of her before?

****

Fred and George stood in Professor Trelawney's stuffy, over-scented classroom as she wafted around rambling about how the tea leaves weren't speaking to her. After a good ten minutes of nonsense, Fred couldn't take anymore and cut in.

"Professor, George and I have some very grave news to tell you. In accordance with the prophecy," he said in a pitying tone. Trelawney stared at him with her magnified eyes for a few moments before approaching him so closely that their noses almost touched.

"Prophecy?" she breathed. Fred nodded. George handed her a tissue.

"Here, you're gonna need it- in accordance with the prophecy," he said with a small smile. She took it hesitantly and then waited for the horrible, dreadful, catastrophic news that was sure to come. Fred took a deep breath.

"Ok, here goes. Your hair has gone grey, in accordance with the prophecy"

Professor Trelawney said nothing at first, then, with a furrowed brow, she said in a hushed voice: "But, dears, my hair was always going to gogrey. That's not divination, I'm afraid. Perhaps I could teach you of the mystical ways of the subject. But beware; it is not an easy path." Her voice was loud and dramatic. Her arms waving around for emphasise.

"Oh! Did I say grey? I meant your hair has gone _greyer, _in accordance with the prophecy"

Professor Trelawney gaped at the boys before her as they waved goodbye, patting her on the shoulder each as they left. When the second fiery red head disappeared from view, she gave a great sigh and picked up her abandoned tea cup. After a small amount of turning, she peered into the cup and saw the clear message of: "_I told you someone would notice…"_

"Tea leaves! You're speaking again!"

**A/N:** Ok, I REALLY didn't like writing this one. :/ And I'm still not happy with it. I looked up the actual meaning of "In accordance with the prophecy" (just to be sure) and it means something that happened like someone said it would. I thought it meant something that was _going_ to happen. So I had to adjust it a bit.

I hope you guys like it, and review *wink wink* XP.

P.S. My prime minister is one pretty cool guy. He's given every kid in year 9 in my state a free laptop! Woot! Free stuff! Go Ruddy! We love ya.

P.S.S. Mine's green. XD. He he.


	8. SEVEN

**Chapter 8:**

_7. Don't use any punctuation _

Fred Weasley sat calmly in the seat in front of Professor McGonagall's desk, humming cheerfully. He was in her office, watching as his head of house stomped furiously around the room reading his essay on human transfiguration. He occasionally heard her huff indignantly or mutter angrily '_In all my years of teaching...'_

'Professor, haven't you finished reading yet?' he asked condescendingly. She shot him a furious glare over the piece of parchment she held tightly in her hand.

'I just did, Mr Weasley,' she replied coldly.

'Well? What do you think?' Fred asked excitedly. She continued to glare at him and her nostrils flared.

'Mr Weasley,' Professor McGonagall began slowly, 'Why in the world have you failed to use punctuation in your work?' Her voice, which had started out relatively quiet, rose to a thundering shout by the end of her sentence.

'I was just trying something new. Punctuation is _so _overrated, Professor,' Fred said with a shrug. Professor McGonagall stared at him in disbelief.

'_What?_ This work is unacceptable. It isn't even an essay!' she cried.

'Yes it is!' Fred yelled in a dignified tone.

'It is not! It's just a page of words!'

'Exactly, Professor. It's an essay'

**A/N: **I actually like this one. Haha. I've had it typed up for a while now. (sorry for the shortness)

Review please! It'll make my day!

P.S. I saw Wicked today. It was _amazing._ It was the first proper live play of any kind I've ever seen, and woah, I was impressed. XD Seriously, watch it, love it.


	9. EIGHT

**Chapter 9:**

_8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. _

'Shall we, George?'

'We shall, Fred'

Fred and George linked arms and began skipping merrily down the corridor. As they passed by students they waved and blew kisses to add to the effect. Needless to say they stopped quite a few people in their tracks.

For the whole day, the Weasley twins made their way around the castle by skipping, making heads turn and jaws drop. Causing rumours to start being whispered all over the place. They ignored the things being said and continued to obey the list. Plus, they were quite enjoying themselves.

As the pair made their way back up to the Gryffindor Common room after dinner, they spotted Luna Lovegood skipping up ahead of them. They quickly sped up (still skipping, of course) and each linked an arm with one of hers. Luna looked startled for a moment before skipping along with them.

'Hey, Luna!' exclaimed Fred.

'Hello,' Luna replied dreamily.

'How's it going? Did you find the insanity list, too?' asked George happily.

'Marvellous thing, isn't it? George and I have had heaps of fun with it. Haven't we, George?'

'Yeah, it's been a blast. But we're only up to number 8'

The three fell silent for a while until Luna giggled slightly.

'This is fun,' she said brightly. 'Are you sure the Nargles haven't gotten to you?'

A/N: I couldn't include Luna without mentioning Nargles…I just couldn't. XD

I really liked writing this one. Hope you like it, too.

Review! =)

P.S. Sunburn hurts. But maybe I'll tan…if my skin decides to cooperate.


	10. NINE

Here's chapter 10. See, there hasn't been any long gaps. XD And I've got the next chapter written.

Enjoy.

**Chapter 10:**

_9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer._

Fred and George walked purposefully along the long corridors of the fifth floor, searching for their next victim. As they turned a corner, George spotted a head of white blonde hair. He nudged Fred's arm and pointed at Draco Malfoy. Both of the twins' faces cracked into identical wicked grins.

'Oi! Malfoy! We've got a bone to pick with you!" Fred shouted. Draco spun around, looking confused, until he saw who was talking to him. His face twisted into his trademark sneer.

"What do you want, Weasels?' he asked scathingly. The twins both smiled broadly.

"We just have a question to ask you, mate!" George said warmly. Draco raised an eyebrow.

'And what makes you think I'm willing to answer whatever stupid question you two idiots have come up with?'

"Oh, you'll answer, trust us," said George, his smile widening.

"Ok, Malfoy, we'll just cut right to the chase. What sex are you?" Fred asked seriously. Both the twins now wore straight faces as they waited expectantly. Draco stared at them.

"Have you two gone completely insane? You already know the bloody answer!"

Fred and George continued to stare at Draco, still waiting. Draco sighed exasperatingly.

"For Merlin's sake! I'm male!" he yelled. Fred and George looked surprised, they exchanged a look before breaking into fits of hysterical laughter.

Draco Malfoy stood there, stunned beyond belief, as the Weasley twins rolled around at his feet, laughing their heads off. Finally, George calmed down enough to speak as he wiped tears from his eyes.

"Ah, good one, Malfoy."

**A/N:**

This is one of my favourites. Hope you all liked it. Please review. :)

Hope you all have a fantastic Christmas.


	11. TEN

**Chapter 11:**

_10. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."_

Fred and George were quite excited to be visiting a Muggle fast-food shop. Though their excitement was nothing compared to their father's when he overheard them talking to Hermione about it. Arthur Weasley had to be tied down to a chair to be prevented from joining them. Hermione was nervous about the prospect of the twins in a place so full of Muggles.

"_Please _be careful. No talking of wizarding things or- just get your order and get out," she said anxiously as she twisted Mr Weasley's wand rapidly in her fingers. Fred and George exchanged affronted looks.

"Hermione! I'm insulted." Fred said in a hurt voice.

"Don't you think we know about all that stuff?" George asked in an equally wounded voice. Hermione stuttered out apologies until, grinning, Fred and George stopped her.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, we know what we're doing," Fred told her comfortingly.

****

Fred and George stood in line at the drive-through, tapping their feet impatiently and both clutching their broomsticks.

"Why's it taking so long," George exclaimed angrily. Fred nodded, scowling.

"I know. Bloody Muggles take too long to cook. And this place is supposed to be _fast-_food. Fast food my"

"Next, please!"

They hurried up to the window and grinned at the brunette girl serving them. She eyed them warily, taking in the broomsticks.

"Hello! We would like two servings of chips please. To go," Fred said brightly. The girl blinked rapidly for a moment before shaking her head and moving past the oddness of her customers.

"Would they be small, medium or large?"

"Hmm, how big is medium?" George asked. Fred smacked him on the back of the head.

"What?"

"We're not here for the chips, brother."

"Fine, small will be fine." George said grudgingly.

"But don't forget, we want them to go," Fred reminded her. She just stared.

"Next!"

"Well, she's a bit rude, isn't she?" George said loftily. Fred sighed and shoved his brother forward. The two approached the final window receiving more strange looks for their brooms.

"Don't any of you say a word about our brooms!" Fred said threateningly. "They're really good for hitting people with." Every Muggle staring quickly averted their eyes. The man at this window pushed their chips towards them and bade them goodnight. As the twins started to leave George gasped and ran back to the window.

"Wait, wait! These are to go, right?"

* * *

**A/N:** What do think? Tell me in a review. :)

Hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year. And to those who are still having them, enjoy your holidays. XD I don't have to go back till the 29th. Year 10 this year. School Certificate year. Oh, joy. Lol.

Anyway, review please. ;)


	12. ELEVEN

**Disclaimer: **I realised I hadn't done one of these in a while…or maybe this entire story, but anyway this is for all the chapters I've written and am going to write. I don't own Harry Potter, never will. This is merely for my own and others entertainment. (:

**Chapter 12:**

_11. Sing along at the Opera._

"I can't believe I let you two drag me along to this," Ron grumbled. George gazed at him disapprovingly.

"C'mon, Ron. You have to experience some of the fine arts in your lifetime. Just enjoy it." Ron continued to glare at the ground and attempt to block out the opera unfolding before him. Suddenly Fred hit Ron's arm excitedly and whispered, "My bit's coming up."

"Huh?"

***

"How can he get his voice that high?" Ron asked in disbelief as he watched his older brother sing along loudly and very poorly with the opera singers below.

"He's gifted, little brother. It's that simple," George said with a pat on his shoulder.

"Yeah, or maybe he hasn't reached puberty yet," Ron muttered, sniggering.

Fred whipped around at these words and scowled at his brother.

"Right Ron, that's the answer. Oh hey, look, it's Hermione!" He said pointing at a blonde girl walking past their seats. Ron's eyebrows furrowed.

"No it's not. Hermione isn't blonde."

"Oh my mistake, see, I saw that lacy purple G-String of hers and instantly thought of…" Fred's words trailed off as Ron stared at him in shock.

"I mean, it's not like she showed me or anything I just walked in on her by accident. Ok, you caught me. But it only happened once. Ok, twice. Ten times tops." Fred sighed and threw his hands up in the air. "Alright, three hundred and fifty-seven times." Ron's expression was now nothing short of pure horror. George was grinning broadly. He leaned over and spoke in Fred's ear loud enough to ensure that Ron could hear him.

"Did you count the quickie in Ron's bed this morning?" A dirty smirk spread across Fred's face.

"Right, how could I forget? Three hundred and fifty-nine times."

Ron stuffed his fingers in his ears, leapt to his feet and sprinted away from the twins with the horrified expression still plastered across his face.

Fred grinned and turned back to the opera singers, preparing to join them in the duet. As George too cleared his throat, readying himself to sing, Fred turned to him and said conspiratorially:

"We'll have to plant a lacy purple G-String in Hermione's clothes tonight. George smiled.

"Done and done."

**A/N: **Okay, that went a tad off topic but I don't find opera all that funny so :/. Yeah.

The next 3 chapters are written so regular updates are a pretty sure thing, unless I get too busy with school. I have to go back Friday, bleh.

Hope you liked this one, you know the drill. Review, please. (:

And a Happy Australia Day for yesterday to all the Aussies out there! XD


	13. TWELVE

**Chapter 13:**

_12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why all the poems don't rhyme._

Fred and George sat impatiently at a cluttered table in the library. They were alone unless you counted Madam Pince crooning over a damaged book in a distant corner. The twins were waiting for the students who had signed up for their poetry club. George checked his watch yet again.

"They're late," he said disapprovingly. Fred rolled his eyes at him.

"Yeah, by how much?"

"Exactly…four minutes. This is unacceptable."

"Come off it. You sound like Percy." George stared at his brother, his face a mask of horror.

"How can you say such a thing? I'm nothing like Percy! Nothing! He's a selfish, pompous git and I'm a sexy, brave, hilariously funny redhead."

"Calm down. I was just getting you to shut up. I know it's only nerves," Fred said, sniggering.

"Pfft, you're the one who's nervous. And don't try and deny it. I can tell," said George.

"Well, I've never let anyone hear my poems before. It's very nerve-racking, letting people see into your soul."

"What are you going on about?" George laughed. "You copied them all out of books!"

Fred blinked. "That's not the point. And besides, so did-"

"Shut up!"

The first of their group were entering the library. Some looked excited, others dubious. It was obvious some had been dragged along by their friends. In five minutes everyone had arrived and the twins stood as one to address the group.

"Hi everyone. Welcome to the first meeting of Gryffindor is the Best House Poetry Club. Got anything against that name?" Fred added menacingly, glaring at a pair of Slytherins. The pair stared defiantly back before stalking away muttering mutinously between themselves.

"Well, that got rid of them," George said brightly. "Now, let's get started."

After twenty minutes most of the group had presented their poems. Ever since the first poem, however, Fred and Georges' brows had been creased in confusion.

Just as a tiny first year cleared his throat to begin his poem, George leapt to his feet.

"Sorry to interrupt but do any of you even know what a poem is?"

The group stared at him incredulously. Fred joined his brother.

"I know what you mean. This whole time I've been wondering what the hell they were babbling about."

"We weren't _babbling. _We were _expressing_ ourselves," A Ravenclaw girl said irritably. Fred raised an eyebrow at her.

"Sounded a lot like babbling to me."

"They were nothing like poems! They didn't _rhyme." _George exclaimed before the girl could make a retort.

Silence. The rest of the group stared dumbfounded at George as Fred nodded enthusiastically to his brothers' words.

"Huh?" One of the boys asked.

"It didn't rhyme. All poems have to rhyme, everyone knows that. Well, apparently not _everyone,_" said Fred.

"They don't have to rhyme!"

"Yes, they do."

"No, they don't."

"Do."

"Not."

"Do."

"Not!"

"Alright, alright, calm down," George said with an air of authority. Fred, still scowling at the boy who contradicted him, drew out a sheet of parchment from his robes and shook it in the boys' face.

"_This _is a real poem." He cleared his throat theatrically and began to read.

"Hey Diddle Diddle, the cat with a fiddle, a cow jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to see such fun and the dish ran away with the spoon." Fred looked up with a grin across his face to see several stunned faces and one girl with narrowed eyes.

"That's a nursery rhyme," she said curtly. Fred's grin slipped off his face.

"Bloody hell…I didn't know any Muggle Borns were coming."

"You two don't know anything about poetry, d'you?" she asked suspiciously.

"Not a thing."

**A/N: **I had fun writing this one. Tell me what you thought about it in a review. XD


	14. THIRTEEN

**Chapter 14:**

_13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day._

George sat peacefully on his desk in Transfiguration, listening to the soothing tropical sounds that surrounded him. He had fixed a white mosquito net around his and Fred's desk. Fred was spread out on the floor with a towel, snoozing. They had entered the class much earlier than usual so that they could set up without McGonagall around. At that moment, the said professor stormed up to the desk, her teeth clenched and her hands shaking.

"_What _exactly do you two think you are doing?" she forced out. George placed a finger over his lips and pointed at Fred.

"He's resting, Professor," he whispered. Her mouth thinned so much that it all but disappeared.

"I do not _care_ if he is resting! This is a classroom! Not a holiday! Take this ridiculous thing down and turn those sounds off!"

"Hush, I'm taking a well deserved break."

Professor McGonagall looked as though she had been slapped.

"You don't deserve a break! You haven't done anything to earn one!" she shrieked. The pair had by now drawn the entire class's attention. They all watched eagerly, hoping that George would distract their teacher long enough so they wouldn't have to do anymore work.

"Do you know how hard I worked to set this net up?" George asked indignantly. "Believe me, professor, it isn't as simple as it seems."

"Why didn't you just use magic, Mr Weasley?" McGonagall asked in frustration.

"Because I…_bugger!"_

**_A/N:_**

I just realised something...this is my first story that has received over ONE HUNDRED reviews! It has 120!!! XD

So I would like to thank every single one of you who has reviewed, favourited, alerted or even just read this story. But an extra special thanks to those who reviewed. :) You guys are awesome. Especially the regulars, you know who you are. :) :)

Keep on reviewing. I'm off to apply at a bunch of places, I really need to find a job. Haha, wish me luck. :)


	15. FOURTEEN

**Chapter 15:**

_14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood._

The Gryffindor Common Room was buzzing conversation. Angelina Johnson was informing all of her fellow housemates about the party being held on the weekend, to celebrate the beginning of the Easter break. She spotted George Weasley coming through the portrait hole and navigated her way through the crowded chairs and tables to him.

"Hey, don't forget about the party this weekend."

George sighed heavily and shook his head. "I'm not going. I'm just not in the partying mood."

Angelina sent him a dubious look. "But the party's on Saturday. You have all week to get into the 'partying mood'," she said, laughing.

"Look, I just don't feel like it, alright? Back off," George said irritably and stormed away to the other side of the common room where he flung himself dramatically into an armchair. Angelina stared after him in disbelief. The portrait hole opened and Fred Weasley climbed into the room. Angelina wrenched her astonished gaze away from George's sulking frame, and turned to Fred.

"Oi, Fred. You're going to the party Saturday, right?"

Fred sighed. "I'm not in the mood…"

**A/N: **I know, I know, it's been an age since I last updated and I'm really sorry about that. I've been heaps busy with assignments, so when I got spare time I either collapsed and did nothing, or spent it with my friends. I just haven't had time for fan fiction. I'm on holidays now so I can upload a few chapters. (: And sorry about the lameness of this one, but, honestly, it's a lame line, haha.

Still, review. (:


	16. FIFTEEN

**Chapter 16:**

_15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!"_

It was the summer holidays and Fred and George sat in the Leaky Cauldron, reading their next mission. But their was a certain word that was giving them some grief.

"ATM?" Fred repeated skeptically. "What the bloody hell is that?" George shook his head, frowning in confusion. "Do you reckon it's a Muggle thing?" he asked his twin. "Must be. Where's Hermione?"

An hour later, Hermione entered the pub with Harry and Ron. "Hermione! Took you long enough!" cried Fred.

"We've been waiting ages for you! We need you to translate a Muggle word for us." Hermione raised her eyebrows at them. "Go on then," she said.

"What is, exactly, an ATM?" Fred and George leaned forward in anticipation, Hermione laughed.

"Why on earth do you want to know that? This hasn't got anything to do with that list, does it?"

"Nope, not at all," the twins replied in unison. She gave them a stern stare. "Better not be, I don't want you terrorizing anymore Muggles."

"An ATM is what Muggles use to access their money. It's easier than going to a bank and they use a card." Fred was laughing at the peculiar way Muggles kept their money, but George was grinning.

"Fred, I have an idea."

***

The cart halted suddenly in front of the vault. The Gringotts goblin hopped out and unlocked the thick door. "Your vault, Mr Weasley, Mr Weasley."

Inside were the mounds of gold that the twins had earned from their inventions. Both pairs of eyes widened in astonishment. George's jaw dropped.

"Merlin! I can't believe it, George! We won, WE WON!"

The goblin rolled his eyes, "Idiots."


	17. SIXTEEN

**Chapter 17:**

_16. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"_

The sun shone brightly down onto the grounds of Hogwarts castle, its rays unhindered by the thin scattering of clouds that decorated the sky. A gentle breeze swept the lawns, rustling the leaves on the treetops of the Forbidden Forest. The students of Hogwarts laid lazily around the lake and throughout the rest of the grounds, enjoying the warm sunshine after a tortuous week of exams.

It was peaceful, relaxing, until…

George Weasley stampeded out of the Forbidden Forest, roughly shoving shrubs and vines out of his path, barely avoiding tall trees in his haste. He burst through the last of the shrubbery, frantically searching for his fellow classmates. Spotting the closest kids lounging by the lake, he pounded over to them, waving his arms over his head and screaming at the tops of his lungs:

"THE SKREWTS ARE LOOSE! _RUN_! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

**A/N:** Back in school, :/. But no assignments just yet. I'm hoping to finish this story in the next week or two.

Hope you liked it, don't forget to review. (:


	18. SEVENTEEN

**_Dedicated to the brave diggers that served and died for their country, lest we forget. _**

Let the Anzac spirit live on.

**Chapter 18:**

_17. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."_

All of the Weasleys, (plus Harry), were seated around the dining table, eating the delicious Christmas dinner that Mrs Weasley had prepared. Just as they were nearly finished eating, George cleared his throat importantly.

"I'm afraid we have some rather bad news, everyone," he said, looking around at his family sombrely. Mrs Weasley brought a hand to her mouth. The rest looked concerned, but also wary. This was Fred and George, after all.

"Tell them, Fred. I don't think I can," George said in a choked voice, apparently overcome by emotion. Fred patted his twin on the shoulder and sighed wearily.

"Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go." Everyone stared. Percy started to laugh.

"That is absolutely absurd! You two can't disown anyone!" Percy said pompously. The twins turned their resigned gaze on their uptight brother.

"I'm sorry, Perce, but after careful consideration, we've decided that you're the one that has to go," said Fred.

"What? Why me? Why not Ginny? She's the youngest!" Percy exclaimed indignantly.

"Because, we like Gin. And she has to carry on our work at Hogwarts," explained George.

"You can't make me leave! I refuse to be treated this way!" Percy folded his arms and glared at his younger brothers. Fred stood and picked up a suitcase that had been resting in the doorway.

"Here you go, we already got you packed. Goodbye. We'll miss you." Fred hugged him briefly then shoved the suitcase into Percy's arms. George pulled Percy out of his chair and started pushing him towards the front door.

"Try to be safe, won't you? And remember, you're welcome to visit anytime you like. Just not during the holidays, because Fred and I will be here. Okay? Good. See you!" Percy was now standing on the doorstep and as he turned around to protest some more, George slammed the door in his face.

"So, Mum, what's for dessert?"

**A/N:** Review, please. Only one more chapter left, :).


	19. EIGHTEEN

**Chapter 19:**

_18. Copy and send this list to someone to make them smile...It's called therapy._

Professor Severus Snape sat behind his desk, basking in the fact that he would not have to teach for three months. He closed his eyes, sighing. He would not have to see Potter every day, would not have to be reminded of his various mistakes. He felt a tightening in his chest as he pictured Lily's bright, green eyes. He bid the image from his head. Too late, they were etched onto his eyelids, as they always were when he let his mind wander to her. A sharp tapping wrenched him from his reverie. He turned to see a miniscule owl hovering outside his window. Snape got heavily to his feet and allowed the little owl in. It flew inside, bobbing from the weight of the letter. Snape followed after Pigwidgeon and untied the letter. He felt the familiar scowl form on his face as he scanned the address.

_The Greasy Git_

_Some Dark Dungeon_

_Hogwarts_

He flung the letter onto his desk, intent on burning it. But, he had always been curious. And although it usually led him afoul, this was yet one more curiosity that he couldn't ignore. He slit open the envelope and read the letter. Then severely wished he hadn't.

_Dear Professor Snape. Or Greasy Git. Whichever you prefer._

_We have enclosed with this letter something you are in great need of. You are, (and we hope you have realised this too), bloody insane. And not in a good way. You need help. Desperately. So we thought we'd be the ones to give you that help. It was just entertaining for us, but hopefully it will be beneficial for you. _

_Enjoy, _

_Fred and George Weasley. _

_P.S. Please, for the love of Merlin, wash your bloody hair._

"Idiots."

Severus Snape tore out the other piece of parchment in the envelope and read the list. And laughed. He had always suspected there was something severely wrong with the Weasley twins, and now he had the concrete proof.

There was a bang as the door to his office burst open and Luna Lovegood barrelled her way into the room and, to Snape's intense surprise, Professor Dumbledore followed suit.

"Professor! Did you get it?" Luna asked breathlessly.

"I believe he has, young one," Dumbledore said happily. "I do like this girl," he informed Snape, "She's refreshingly open-minded."

Snape sighed. "What is it that you want?" He sat back behind his desk, waiting to be left alone again.

"We've come so we can do the list together," Luna said brightly. She and Dumbledore both held up their own copies of the list. "The Weasley twins have given us some very ingenious advice; we have everything for the first task. Will you join us?" Dumbledore looked so naively hopeful that Snape almost had a hard time refusing.

"No," he said curtly, and threw the list into the bin.

"Oh come along, Severus. Live a little," Dumbledore persuaded. Luna wandered over to Snape and gripped his arm.

"Let's go, sir, it'll be fun," she said cheerfully. He shook he head firmly and attempted to free his arm, and to his astonishment, failed. She led him from his own office and Dumbledore strode along behind them, whistling contentedly.

"Miss Lovegood?"

"Yes, Professor Dumbledore?"

"May the giant squid join our little expedition?"

"For the last time, _no_...Oh, alright."

"Oh, dear Merlin."

**A/N: **And done! (:

Thankyou for all the support to continue this story, it has been very much appreciated. I loved reading every single review, and it always boosted my day to see my inbox filled with story alerts and favourites after I posted a new chapter.

I'm not quite sure how funny this chapter turned out, but the reason for such an emotional beginning is that I just finished Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult today, which made me cry for about half an hour and I've been on the verge of tears all day since. So, I was feeling particularly sympathetic towards Snape. But, I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.

One reviewer suggested that I write story using another chain mail like this one, can't remember which, but what are your opinions on that?

Again, a big thankyou. (:

lovenotwarXo.


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